I'm like the drunk who doesn't get it -- "No, it's cool; I'm just drinking beer tonight." I'm not even aware that I'm complaining until I start to think about this blog and realize that I've spent the last hour cursing motorists, elbowing my way through Whole Foods and grumbling down the aisles, and lamenting over my to-do list for the coming week. Sometimes I catch myself after I've let out a "FUCK! What the hell are you DOING? Get out of the fucking way!" while I'm throwing up my arms at the driver lingering at the right-turn red. Then I think "Wait, was that a complaint?"
While we were in the grocery store today, a family was passing us in the aisle. We couldn't move any farther to the right, and the family moved all the way to the left -- except for one little boy. He walked straight up to our cart and stood in front of it and stared at my husband. He only moved when his mother said something to him, then he muttered something like "MAN, that guy wouldn't get out of my WAY!" The mother said nothing. I looked at the woman and just said, "Wow." Considering what was running through my mind at the time, I consider that progress.
Then I wondered: Are my thoughts in play also? Should I try to be limiting the complaints that are scrolling through my head like a 24-hours news ticker, or is it enough to concentrate on limiting their expression?
Later, at the checkout, we overheard some cashiers complaining about how busy the store was because -- apparently, to them -- there was a rush because snow was forecast for tonight. (We live in the South. We treat forecasts of snow like prophecy of the Armageddon.) One cashier threw down a slat of groceries in mock excitement and yelled, "It's all going to melt!" I don't get the sarcasm, but I got her intent. My husband said, "Wow, that was really rude." I said back, "What does she want? If people don't shop here, she won't get a fucking paycheck." I hate hipster douche bags.
But then I wondered if that's a kind of justified complaint? A criticism in response to someone's shitty attitude. Is criticism complaint?
Griping about my daily run-ins has become such an automatic process that I don't even realize I'm doing it. And it's hard for me to distinguish petty complaining from other negative speech, like criticism or cries of frustration (i.e. "Fuck!") What's justified?
Luckily, I took some vacation time and have spent the last week at home. It's hard to find much to complain about when all I do is sit in front of the computer or watch movies. It's when I have to actually get changed out of my pajamas that the trouble starts. And I have to start wearing pants that button again starting tomorrow. Trouble lies ahead.
I would be happy to spend my days zipper-free. It's when I have to be accountable to people -- or really to interact with them in any way -- that I start to get frustrated. Perhaps my only options are to become a hermetic writer or one of those cheesy search-engine-optimizing-passive-income-touting-millionaire-by-30-motivational-speaking entrepreneurs. (I guess I already missed the boat on one part of that profile...) I don't mind selling out if it means I don't have to play nice with others.
Since I'm probably not going to make millions from this blog or the lottery, it looks like I'm going to have to find a way to live amongst the people and manage my frustrations.
Maria......standing ovation!...I've come to settle within myself that .omg....yes I am aging.my father would be proud of how well and how long I've dodged the bullet in proclaiming myself in such a manner...there are down sides to such, BUT, there are also some seriously wonderful perks....such as.I can say what I feel or think and don't give one damn what others think... at this age and beyond, we can smile ever so sweetly and slit your throat with a criticism , and we're "cute".or they don't get angry they just blame our age...I'm lovin' this!..You my love are a rare creature of beauty honesty truth and free speech. You are courageous in only ever speaking the truth. Our society is more concerned about being correct in all manners for fear we might get sued, or shot, or hurt someones feelings, of worst, God forbid utter word that can be twisted into some sort of discriminatory remark. It is frustrating and my patience for dealing with the mass stupidity has grown vaporous thin. It takes every bit of self control at work to keep that mindset." I'm ready for my close up Mr.Damille."....No love don't shut that part of yourself down, hone it,caress it,endear it, there are enough anal retentive folks out there.....MUCH love and GREAT admiration of you my dear daughter....words cannot express the breadth of my pride in you being you.!
ReplyDeleteMaria, I like reading your blog. I find it amusing, as we possess similar thinking. However, I think you have a tendency to actually say what you are thinking. I can very easily be annoyed by the stupidity of some people, simple nuisances, and heck even my own husband and children. I think that is normal. However, I am profoundly grateful for so many blessings in my life. Sometimes the blessings and nuisances are one in the same, i.e. husband and children. I am just going to throw this out there and you can feel free to use it or ignore it. A few years ago I started a gratitude journal. I forced myself to write down 3 things every day I was thankful for. At first I found it difficult, I think I even wrote down I was thankful that I got to take a shower. But it did get easier and I did find myself thinking through out the day "well remember this and write it in the journal tonight." It has totally changed the way I think. I am still not without complaint, but that is ok. I am happier and more grateful than when I started. Good Luck! Stacy
ReplyDeleteThank you both! And that's a great idea, Stacy! I have been thinking of implementing something like that for awhile. Maybe I should do it sooner rather than later. Part of my motivation to limit complaining was to clear out some mental space to focus on other, more positive things in life. So making a point to note the positive will likely help speed that along.
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